The shadows moved around the room as I walked boldly forward. The jaguar Shadow approached and scattered them. We were alone then in a huge, empty room. There was no place to hide, and Shadow felt exposed. She stayed near to protect me.
We walked toward a door, but it seemed to move further away the more we walked. We began running but stopped when footsteps echoed from behind us.
Shadow seemed to disappear as my father stepped forward. “Mara, why are you running?”
I heard the sound of water falling nearby, and I was home. “Are you really here?” I asked.
I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Mara, we tried to prepare you for this. The Ancients and your mother have taught you well. You are ready. Stand tall and smile.”
I looked more closely. This was not my father but Winston. He smiled patronizingly. I turned to walk away but found myself surrounded by people. They smiled at me in varied ways, a sea of different colors. I tried to smile, but as I looked around, I realized that I could not understand anything they said and my own voice would not work. I was eyes and nothing more. And their eyes were kaleidoscopes, filled with every emotion and more thoughts than I could make sense of.
A dance of some sort seemed to unfold in front of me. People approached each other, spun as they made non-sensical sounds, and stepped toward another person. They danced in pairs and in threes and fours, smiling, crying, laughing, as they stared first in one person’s eyes and then another. They moved around me, and I new I was invisible. I began dancing among them without ever getting their gazes, but I watched their lives pass by in their eyes. I saw mountains and rivers, homes full of people and empty tables, joys and sorrows. I smiled and cried and laughed and even became angry as I caught glimpses of their secrets.
A dark woman stepped forward then and looked directly into my eyes. I fell into the dark depths, seduced by those eyes who saw me. She raised her hands, and I placed mine against them. We spun without taking our gaze away. I felt her enter into my memories as I fell deeper into her dreams than I had ever been before. Spinning, spinning, with the colors and the movement all around us. I was growing dizzy and felt myself turned inside out.
This woman was Shadow, she was fantasy, yet she touched me. I felt my body alive while the rest of the spinning bodies failed to see us. I moved closer to her, desperate to press my lips against hers. Her black eyes smiled and then became cruel as she pushed me away. I fell backwards, tripping and feeling the ground coming up fast, but I had lost which way was up. I let my eyes close.
The floor was hard, but no one stepped on me. I was invisible to them still, and my dark woman looked down at me and laughed, but I was not offended because I saw sadness behind her mockery.
The dancing continued while I slowly got to my feet. The dark woman suddenly stepped back and stopped laughing. Everyone stopped, turned to me, and stared emotionlessly. Their eyes were now empty, and grief and loneliness washed over me like I had never felt before. The people became shadows, and the dark woman faded up and away like smoke. The silence was deafening.
Nadine Of The Cave 