In the cave

Fiction, truth, what’s the difference?

A blog is essentially narcissistic, isn’t it? But our struggle is too often how to get out of our selves. We are a species of lonely people during a time when we are set against one another—competing for scraps and basic survival. I am stuck in my cave, and I spew out a few words. Will it help?

The Cave

Water drops from the ceiling of the cave and falls into a pool on the floor. I watch. The drips sooth me. They take me away from the moment and connect me to the universe beyond. Here I know passion. The menus

  • In The Cave is meditation, violence, and sorrow—random wanderings of thought.
  • Between Blue Mountains is a novel, chapters and dreams being added as I can. Chapter 26 was just added!
  • Too Much Reality is the memories that haunt me most and the stories from here and there. I won’t tell you which are real; I’m not sure I can.

Rolling Hills In Shadow

starting this
with mataphor
looking to hills
in the shadows
for hope

this is fear
i realize
as the old lust
for my own blood
returns

just wanting
love to be true
people to stand
for real justice
this time

laying now
watching shadows
dance on the wall
just impressions
of life

a man’s bed
where connections
have been sewn tight
and dreams planted
in place

the shadows
bring contentment
rather than fear
with him so near
with love

Season’s Change

this wind has toppled trees
as i sit in this spot
sun dancing on my knees
thinking of wars i’ve fought

something new has arrived
disrupting this small peace
and i know i survived
to take out this new lease

but the dancing sunlight
on my visible scars
reminds me of our plight
there to read in the stars

the leaves scattered about
beautiful evidence
that is neatly laid out
still shows the violence

change comes like a lover
with a sensual touch
and we may discover
even this is too much

but the change that sends quakes
through the world’s foundation
like the tree limb that breaks
will defy causation

contradictions in me
mirrors what shakes the world
as our want to be free
finds needs for love all swirled

In the music

lost in the music
lost in the moment
feeling you there with me
rising with tempo
sinking into its depths

reality stopped
our boundaries stopped
holding hands in your lap
looking up to your eyes
knowing this unity

art breathing through us
art augmenting us
touching the piano
sensing the notes in air
losing ourselves in this

Unbidden smile

i have a secret
i have many secrets
if truth be known

this particular secret
is that a man loves me
or he proclaims his love

and i teeter between terror
and school-girl flittering
while remembering the pain

buried in work so long
living mostly in these pages
being a woman only here

parent, worker, and activist
secret artist and time travelor
wanting to integrate my worlds

the vocabulary that frames
my different worlds
have frequently clashed

but never with such totality
bringing to the material world
another set of secret selves

yet he looks at me with awe
and i wonder why i wanted this
to be seen and appreciated

i try to hide my tears from all
and then i receive his text
and a smile comes unbidden

Sweet words

your sweet words
cut me to the core
revealing
my coldness
to myself
in my inability
to offer such
sweetness back

you offer
poetry to me
such beauty
in your gifts
whispering
about light you see in me
coming from me
full of love

but i can’t
give such unbounded
openness
stuck this way
protecting
an inner child so lonely
in the darkness
still crying

i always
give myself away
caring more
but myself
stays hidden
and you talk like you see me
that part of me
smiling now

while also
she remains enraged
still grieving
furious
terrified
and she will surely hurt you
finding some way
to attack

you stand there
a true mystery
i don’t know
what i want
at this point
in a life reshaped again
so that i can’t
perceive you

i look now
trying to see you
to let go
of my fears
selfishness
all that keeps me from living
when i see you
enbrace life

The war

a war rages
twisting
destroying
tearing the world
apart

invisibly
seeping
corrupting
how we relate
in life

and within me
the war
has become
my own demon
to bear

internalized
absorbed
and nourished
hating myself
often

i look outward
to save
my own soul
society
echoes

the love is there
easy
to spread out
to the masses
with hope

but much harder
painful
to receive
in my own heart
terror

a battle looms
within
for my soul
kept so hidden
and safe